The gift

I just looked at the date on my computer and remembered something. It was 8 years ago that I went into labor at 25 weeks with our twins. It was a busy day, I remember. Trying to run errands and get some last minute things for Megan's upcoming 2nd birthday before I was stuck at home like a beached whale. I spent the day not drinking enough fluids and going from store to store like a delusional woman!

That night, I remember feeding Megan dinner and feeling this tightening that was not normal. Michael was on swing shift at the time so at night it was just Megan & Me (funny, I just thought that sounds a little like Marley & Me~she was much less trouble). That night is a bit of a fog. I think it is the minds way of protecting us, forget the things that are big stresses and are not important in the long term.

I ended up in the hospital. I remember after I got into my room the nurse was checking for dilation... she reached in and pulled her hand back out pretty quickly. Telling the other nurse, "I felt a head". I was 4 cm dilated and only 25 weeks pregnant. Part of me did not believe this was happening to us.

Can't be.

Not Now.

Too Early.

My world came crashing in around me that day. The talk of viability, health impairments, possible lifelong disability, transfer to a bigger hospital, extended NICU stays and a future without our babies clouded my head.

After steroid shots for lung maturation and a lot of monitoring my doctor let me go home on strict bedrest with medication to hopefully hold off an early delivery. My Mom was a gem and took FMLA and offered a lot of help with a busy 2 year old. Michael's Mom came to help watch Megan and get us through the evenings as well. Both our Moms were huge blessings to us during that time. Not sure how we would have survived without them.

It felt like the clock had stopped.

I twiddled my thumbs.
I counted contractions.

I yearned to get out of bed.
I watched a lot of daytime TV.
I got a shower every other day.

I dyed Easter eggs in bed with Megan.

I spent a lot of time laying on my side.

Occasionally at night when our helpers had gone home and Megan was snug in her bed...I would sneak downstairs and raid my own kitchen. I was pregnant after all, those craving can be all consuming!

Somehow we made it to 35 weeks. It was a miracle many have told me. People everywhere were praying, our families supported us, my husband managed to be a Mom and a Dad for 10 weeks. We were a burden on everyone, yet they were all still willing to help.

Then they were born. Trevor was 4lbs and 9 ounces and had eyes that people were compelled to tell me, frequently, were gigantic. Elise was 5lbs 2 ounces and blessed with more proportionate eyes and was just as cute as a little girl should be. They were overall pretty healthy and only spent a little over a week in the hospital after they were born.

I think of this today. I try to remember what could have been and how happy I am to have healthy kids that will be 8 years old in just a couple months. I am far from a perfect Mom, some days when I am getting frustrated with my kids and am dealing with my own demons - I need to remember the gift I have been given. Some Moms only have memories or dreams of their babies and what they should be. I have the whole package! I am one of the lucky ones.