Wednesday, October 21, 2009

black sheep

We all have that one relative that pushes the envelope a little, wouldn't you agree? The one people tilt their head to one side when talking about. Sometime tongue clicking or shaking head motion will follow. I know you understand.

Mine is Grandpa Gus, a surly old fellow that claims he was kicked out of school for eating the books. Lied about his age to join the merchant marines at 15 years old. Tattoos, oh yeah he had bunches before they were even remotely cool. My how I wish I had taken a picture of them... He had a giant eagle on his chest, arms and if I recall it was on his back too. My favorite tattoo of his was a question mark right above his pants waistline. When I asked him why he had chosen that he smirked and told me "so the ladies will ask about it". He married 4 times. Even with his tough exterior he still had a soft touch.

 This picture he carried in his wallet for probably 60 years, his father and him on his motorcycle.

 My Dad bailed him out of jail many a time because he just could not seem to remember not to drive his car after he had been drinking. Drinking, he did far to much of that!

When I was 5 he tricked me into eating his Copenhagen chewing tobacco because it was candy, I am embarrassed to say I fell for that more then once. 

He liked to watch my eyes light up as he would tell me about being stabbed in the mess hall while at sea. Then when I grew and had kids he liked to watch their eyes light up too.

He died a couple years ago after living a hard life, he lived longer then I think any of us thought he would. In the end he stayed with my family for a period of time. My, how my kids loved having Grandpa Gus here. He watched the Discovery channel all day, was always looking for a cookie or candy, and believed no one made better coffee then Hills Brothers.

One day he finished off a jar of the kids Gummi Vitamins because he thought they were candy...Dementia, yeah he had that too. He spoke Swedish like his mother before him and loved teaching us the Swedish words for things in the house. Not all rated G either words either.

One little quirk he had was ketchup on everything... the only things he said he would not use it on was cantaloupe and ice cream.

Why do I write this today, so I do not forget him. Remember your crazy, push the envelope relatives, don't let their memory disappear. They are part of the fabric of you. He is the stuff stories are written about. He lived his life on his terms. I am really nothing like him other then the fact that I tend to put BBQ sauce on much of what I eat. I still love to think about him though and what kind of life he lived.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

She only plays a doctor on tv people

Do you think it is an advertising "intentional" that someone many of us recognize as a Medical Doctor on TV is the voice of a campaign claiming medicinal benefits to eating yogurt?

I spent the entire commercial thinking is that her? it isn't... yes, I think it, they do not think we are that dumb to associate her as the voice of brilliant medical advice.

I cannot even tell you for sure what the brand was, so I guess in that vein the ad was not completely successful.  I can say that it was her, and she says yogurt is good for you though.  Feel free to buy any brand though, cause I am not sure who she works for.

I imagine it has some psychological brain/pocketbook link they are headed after in the 30 something female age group.

Am I overthinking this? Maybe she just needs a little extra cash cause making $200,000 per episode is cutting it a little close to the bottom line? Just maybe?

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Starting to sweat because it is 11 weeks till the big day!
11 weeks till I have to pull all the stops out and make it memorable.
11 weeks till Santa comes down my tiny chimney and  fills the stocking with magical fun!

What are you secrets? How are you going to go BIG without breaking the bank? How are you going to convince your little ones it is magic without missing a mortgage payment. We have been fortunate to pay cash for the holidays the last few years. I hope and pray we can pull it off again.

Tips people, now I am asking for tips! How to get the biggest bang for your buck. 

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

these tennis shoes taste terrible

How many times have we said something and then wished we had the capability to travel back in time 45 seconds and resist the urge to spew such stupid words from our mouths. Face it, it happens to all of us. Like the time the first time I kissed a boy and felt the urge to say "I love you" even though I probably only liked him, a lot.  Like the time someone asks you if something makes them look fat. They asked the question, they already know the answer or they would not ask. Don't take the bait, stay out of it.

I work as a travel nurse. Always in a different place. Never time to click with the other staff because I live in my car like an out of work worker. Yesterday, I worked somewhere I have not worked in about 5 months. Staff has rolled over, as it often does in my line of work.

As I was sitting at my desk for a moment trying to catch up on my charts I got drug into a conversation. A conversation I wish I had stayed out of it, because it resulted in eating my tennis shoes.

Nurse 1: I am feeling really hot. All of a sudden I have a headache too.

Nurse 2: Maybe, you are pregnant.

Nurse 1: Hmm, I could be. It is possible that I might be pregnant.

Myself: (totally felt compelled to interact here) Really, do you think you are pregnant? How exciting. (trying to be upbeat for Nurse 1)


Myself: What, why is that funny?

Nurse 1: because I am 9 months pregnant.

Myself: melting into my chair and probably 5 shades of red darker. Praying that somebody will need CPR right now so I could escape.

What do you say in that situation?

"Oooops, my bad. I just thought you were fat."

Laughing and saying nothing was about all I could think to do.

There is no way to recover from that one, is there? Wish me luck, because tomorrow I have to go back there and pretend none of it ever happened. I will know God still loves me if she goes into labor tonight.

It's not like she did anything anyways, she is 9 months pregnant. That totally explains why she sat around answering the phone all day.

P.S. I totally could not have gotten away with the "golly gee, no way I would have never guessed, you just don't look it".