Tuesday, April 21, 2009

clarity

I have had a lot of noise in my head lately. Wondering about choices. Questioning my actions. Trying to forecast my future when I realized something. It is not brilliant or a secret. Maybe you even have had this light bulb go off above your head too.

It's not too late.

I still can be a great Mom.

I still can do all those things I have given up on.

For so long I have been living like I already failed. Ridiculous, I now realize. How much time do you waste when you give up before the race even has started.

I have been dealing with guilt. Feeling like I am not as great of Mom as all these over the top Moms you read about in blogland. Fresh cookies, home made crafts, fancy bedrooms, lot's of activities--June Cleaver stuff. Some days I am tired. It affects my parenting and how attentive I am. Maybe if I own that and accept that I will be a better Mom that way. Besides, I think a lot of these Super Moms are not nearly as perfect as they appear!

I asked all three kids last night what I could do to be a better Mom. They all said "why do you say that, we think you are a great Mom". Maybe my standard is higher then theirs?

When I pushed my son a little more saying, "well, you know sometimes I yell and get upset". His response was, "well, sometimes we do stuff we aren't supposed to". OK, I feel better now.

Thanks for listening to my rambling, I did not cry!
Baby-steps.

8 comments:

Ali said...

I hope I don't come across as one of those moms! I am WAAAY far from June Cleaver lol! I yell and scream at our dog (and sometimes hubby, but am getting better!) but havent yet at JImmy. I have a bit of an anger issue. But it is better than before. But still... Little Jimmy has already started mimicking me sometimes, like he is yelling at the dog, so I really need to nip it in the bud. I say things sometimes that I don't want him to say EVER! And that is just one of my little downfalls...I should post about those sometime. Thanks for the inspiration! And you are not alone, I feel down in the dumps way more than I should and don't do near as much good mothering as I should. Thanks for sharing your feelings, its great to hear "real" mommy thoughts =)

JAN'S PLACE said...

I am so impressed with you MOM's these days..I am sure you really do not wan to be June Cleaver..I bet even June Cleaver wouldn't want to be June Cleaver in this day and age..how wouldshe handle the stuff going on in kids worlds?? If you want guilt.. Look at my generation!

To bad we don't get do-overs!

Audrey said...

Tamis, this post really touched me! I think that your children said it all - they clearly think that you are doing a fantastic job! Now you just need to believe it. Isn't it odd how we needlessly hold ourselves up to self ridicule, believing that someone else is better than us. YOu know what, I bet there are moms out there who DO make better cookies than you do. And I bet you are a better listener than they are. They may do better crafts, you give better hugs. It's all a matter of perspective.

Big hugs to you!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I am a stay at home mom who falls short almost ALL of the time. My second child gets the short shrift. Her brother knew his alphabet by 2 and could spell his own name at 2.5. She is not so lucky! LOL. We all just do the best we can with the hours we have in each day. {{{Hugs}}}

The Good Cook said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. My favorite quote in the world is:
I did the best that I knew how, when I knew better, I did better (Maya Angelou)

Your kids are fine. You are fine.
And in the words of my mother, "Mothers are why God invented therapists!".

LOL. Love life, take it easy. And when you are feeling down, stop and hug those noisy kids!

rightonmom said...

This was so touching and REAL. Thank you for the slice of reality. I'm soooo not a June Cleaver mommy, at least I don't think she'd have ever let her kids eat ding dongs for breakfast, lol!
I say if your kids tell you you're a great mom, thats validation. But I know just how you feel. That guilt is a bastard sometimes.

Susan Campbell Cross said...

There is no right way to be a mom. You love your children and that means more than any craft or baked good. If you are tired, you can rest. You are human. And, you will be modeling for your kids that it's OK to rest sometimes, that they shouldn't feel like they have to be "on" always and that they're allowed to feel how they truly feel (even if sometimes that feeling is tired).

Sometimes the things that mean the most to them are little things anyway--reading a chapter in a book (or better yet, letting them read it to you so you can rest your eyes), letting them choose a cd to listen, or just snuggling up in a chair and doing nothing. Who says everything has to be a big deal? There probably is not enough downtime in kids' lives nowadays so don't feel bad if you need a quiet day. Your kids will understand.

The only place that moms are "perfect" is, like you said, in "Blogland" and in "Stepford"--both places are fictional, go figure!

You are doing fine--and I'm really glad you shared your feelings. You are not alone. :)

Susan

jenjen said...

I think blogland can make you feel upset. I know it does for me. The thing you have to see is that every mom struggles and has issues. It is hard because it does not come across that way.

You sound like a wonderful mom! Don't let things get you down. This week I am feeling the same way. I am struggling with giving up blogging altogether, but I would miss the wonderful people I have met. Let's stick together and vow to keep things real and support each other when we have issues.

((hugs))
Jen